We Never Woulda Thunk It
by Dazed Dreamer
Summary: NiouKiri. Unlikely couple. Then again, they'd always had a taste for unconventional things. 50Sentences


I love this pairing. XD Oh, beware of some swearing, sexual themes, and weird tense changes. I'm still getting the hang of writing in present tense. Enjoy

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**WE NEVER WOULDA THUNK IT: ****THE TRICKSTER AND HIS BRATLING**

**01. MOTION**

There are two things that can temporarily cure Kirihara's motion sickness: sleeping, and having Niou's lap as his pillow.

**02. COOL**

Kirihara can act as cool, nonchalant and unaffected as he likes, but Niou always knows that when he turns his back, the bratling's scowls would disappear and make way for a beaming smile and a very rosy blush; not that Niou has eyes at the back of his head, but only because Yanagi told him so.

**03. YOUNG**

Their parents are against their relationship - "You're too young, you don't know any better, we're stopping you from making a horrible mistake" - but Kirihara pays them no mind; he's already smashed his piggy bank, and armed with not more than several hundred yen, he plans to elope with Niou to Hokkaido, or anywhere, just to get away from all the lies and criticisms, because all he wants to do is _love_ with no regrets.

**04. LAST**

Niou hates to admit it, but Kirihara is the first thing he thinks of when he wakes up and the last thing he thinks about when he goes to sleep; he blames it on the many stuffed toys displayed around his room, though, plushies that Kirihara had given him every day as a form of apology that time they'd gotten into a big argument.

**05. WRONG**

There was a relatively short time when they had to hide their relationship from everybody, and Niou had to keep on relaying his usual insults to Kirihara - "All you need to do is fetch, roll over and play dead, bratling, and you'll actually _be_ 'Mura's pet bitch." - even if all he wanted was to say 'fuck everybody, who cares about what they think?' but a day later, he did exactly that.

**06. GENTLE**

When they hold hands, they grip tight and when they kiss, they kiss harshly and there is no gentleness between them at all because they both believe that the other doesn't need any protection, that they are both strong enough to _not _be handled like they are fragile porcelain, and they both take pride in that.

**07. ONE**

"Kirihara, tell me how many fucking fingers I'm holding up!" Niou snarls as he lifts up his hand to Kirihara's face, who is looking dazed and disoriented as he mumbles something incoherent; Niou rolls his eyes because, _seriously_, who knew the bratling would faint because of just one damn kiss?!

**08. THOUSAND**

Before Kirihara can come up with a thousand excuses not to go into the water, Niou has already pushed him in with a nudge on the back, and before Kirihara can drown to his death in the pool, Niou is already right beside him, a smirk on his face and a hand on his waist; Kirihara is torn between slapping the guy to oblivion or kissing him right there and then.

**09. KING**

Kirihara rants on and on and on - "If Echizen is the prince of tennis, and Atobe's the emperor, and Sanada's the king and Mura-buchou's Mura-buchou - 'Child of God, Niou lazily mutters' - then what the hell am I?!" - while Niou just sits there with a controller in his hands, mashing buttons like mad as he replies, "You're the bratty kitchen boy with the insanely handsome jester boyfriend, duh."

**10. LEARN**

Niou quickly learns that Kirihara is one high-maintenance guy when most of his allowance is gone in the space of one week - mostly on arcade games and ramen; now he understands why Jackal, Kirihara's previous baby-sitter/bank, often grins and pats him on the back with his features resembling something akin to amusement.

**11. BLUR**

Everything was becoming a confusing blur to Kirihara what with the upcoming graduation, the responsibility thrust upon him of being the next tennis captain, the homework piling up on him, the family problems at home and pretty soon he's breaking down and crying in the guys' bathroom to let all his mixed feelings out and the minute Niou hears about this, he is dashing towards the second year, jumping over the stall door by climbing up the toilet, and coming to his rescue; Kirihara savours the moment because it'll probably be only one of the few times that Niou would ever be that gentle with him.

**12. WAIT**

Patience is a virtue, that's what Sanada keeps chanting to himself as he waits for Niou and Kirihara to emerge from the clubhouse so they could be issued a hundred laps for tardiness; but it isn't until half an hour later when they finally come out, with messier hair than usual, more wrinkled clothes than usual, but very much satisfied smirks on their faces, even when Sanada barks at them to get going on their one hundred and _fifty _laps.

**13. CHANGE**

They don't treat each other that much differently, it's still the same old teasing, tennis, and pranks; the only thing that's changed is that when they touch, it's on a whole new level, with much more meaning to it than before.

**14. COMMAND**

Kirhara salutes Niou mockingly before trotting off to the baseline as he retrieves a tennis ball from his pocket; it's the first time they've played doubles in a long time and Kirihara has a feeling this won't end well, what with Niou facing him like he is now, knees bent and backside looking utterly delectable, it's definitely going to distract him (sure enough, he completely misses the ball when he serves…).

**15. HOLD**

"Hold on," was what Kirihara had told him before putting his call on hold and going off to do whatever, and Niou just shrugs and goes back to his Nintendo Wii, pressing the speakerphone button so he'd know when the other was back but it wasn't until an hour later that he remembers the call, and when he checks, he's _still_ on hold, and that's when he knows that there's something wrong; scowling and cursing, Niou grabs a coat and runs.

**16. NEED**

When Niou gets to Kirihara's house, the front door is unlocked and that makes Niou feel a tiny bit worried - even if it didn't show - and there's a faint muffled noise coming from upstairs so Niou bends down to pick up a tennis racket from the floor and wields it like a weapon, taking care not to make the stairs creak as he walks up them - and succeeds, as he's done that a thousand times before, to surprise and prank Kirihara - and opens the door to Kirihara's room, ready to strike; he's extremely incredibly annoyed to see Kirihara lying on his stomach on the floor, chattering away to someone else on the phone and all Niou can think of is that he needs to give Kirihara a well-deserved slap on the back of his head.

**17. VISION**

All Kirihara can see is a shock of silvery white, and it takes him a moment to realize that it's Niou, hugging him tight and snuggling against his crook of his neck, whispering, "You're so stupid sometimes, bratling."

**18. ATTENTION**

Both of them have a relatively short attention span to things they have no interest in - and Marui talking about his eating expeditions certainly fell in that category - so to keep themselves awake and attentive, they take turns pinching each other every other minute - out of sight from others - and eventually it evolves from pinching to touching and caressing that always leave them wanting for more because they can never finish what they'd started.

**19. SOUL**

After they watched '_The Golden Compass'_, Kirihara announces that if the world was like that, his animal soul would be an extremely huge bee with an extremely long stinger that could hypnotize other animals to mutate into bees to work for him, and even Niou doesn't know what to say to that.

**20. PICTURE**

They say a picture is worth a thousand words - Kirihara never figured out who 'they' were - but when Kirihara looks at the one of the few pictures he had with Niou and him together - it was during the Cherry Blossom Festival, they were in their yukatas, they'd just gotten away from their families and were savouring the moment of freedom when Kirihara had snapped a picture; he could only think of three in particular: he loves me.

**21. FOOL**

Niou's parents told him he was being foolish and stupid, and he was throwing away the chance of a lifetime, but Niou stands his ground and rips the scholarship acceptance letter from America right in front of them before exiting the room, where he grabs the arm of the eavesdropping Kirihara and leaves.

**22. MAD**

When they get mad at each other, their voices are harsh, their insults are biting, and their eyes gleam with rage, hurt and regret - but they're quick to hide the latter - and even their apologies are like that, but they eventually kiss and make up because they know that they're not _the same _without the other, no matter how mushy and corny that may sound.

**23. CHILD**

Niou wouldn't have thought that Kirihara could be gentle with anyone, especially kids, but the proof against that was sitting right beside him; the messy-haired teen was cradling his baby brother in his arms, and Niou thinks that Kirihara looks just like an older brother should, nervous, loving, happy, and still scared shitless.

**24. NOW**

"Looks like we have another apprentice now," Niou murmurs appreciatively, and placing a hand on his own younger brother - who is looking solemn and serious as he observes the sleeping baby boy in Kirihara's arms - continues, "Ah, competition; that'll be good for you, Kiyo."

**25. SHADOW**

As a huge shadow looms over him menacingly, Kirihara manages to turn around and gulp at the sight of three leering guys - he's ready to scream for help - but then a bleached haired guy is suddenly there smirking evilly and threatening the bullies to go away, to which they promptly do; after that, Kirihara vows to follow his mysterious saviour wherever he goes - even if he has to study his ass of just to get into Rikkai.

**26. GOODBYE**

They don't do goodbye kisses or goodbye hugs or anything like that, but that's not to say that it wasn't an unpleasant surprise for Niou when Kirihara suddenly turns and gives him a big, fat, wet smack on the lips, a pinch in the ass and a wink before skipping off on the opposite direction.

**27. HIDE**

"How long have you been hiding this ultimate weakness?" Kirihara asks incredulously, catching the Rubik's cube Niou throws at him and looks at it as if it had sprouted six legs; he's never known about this particular weakness of the trickster's before, and he'll be damned if he doesn't use it for blackmail every now and then.

**28. FORTUNE**

It's probably going to cost him a fortune to buy the stupid things on Niou's Christmas List - which listed some very…interesting things - but Kirihara shrugs and goes off to do the shopping anyway; he could always ask some rich guy from Hyoutei for a game (or more) - thousand yen to whoever wins - until he's got enough for all the presents.

**29. SAFE**

"Coast is clear," Niou mutters to himself absentmindedly as he gets to work on making the science lab the ultimate prank room of all, armed with flytraps, mosquito nets, screws, a screwdriver and some tape - and he had to finish in no less that five minutes since class was going to start soon - and Kirihara watches with awe and fascination; Niou is doing this for him so the Science geeks would never think to sabotage his Chemistry assignment ever again.

**30. GHOST**

"'…the ghost of his last laugh still etched upon his face'," Kirihara recites sadly before closing the book and looking at Niou, who eyes him warily; sure enough, Kirihara is bawling his eyes out the next moment and all Niou can do is pat his back and murmur half-assed reassuring words, wondering why the hell he put up with this childishness, as he brushes off a few - very few - tears of his own.

**31. BOOK**

Niou and Kirihara aren't the type of couple who can just read each other's thoughts and emotions like a book and that fact is especially frustrating for both when they're playing poker, with their most valued possessions - Kirihara's Pokemon card collection and Niou's video games - on the line (not that it matters anyway; they

never manage to finish a game because really, who _can_ when it's strip poker?).

**32. EYE**

"An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth," Niou mutters triumphantly as he looks down at the unconscious, defeated dentist lying on the ground pathetically - the same dentist that Kirihara had complained about for hours all last week because he'd apparently attempted to molest him - and Niou shrugs and turns to leave the room, adding to himself, "Or a tooth for several teeth, whichever works."

**33. NEVER**

Kirihara remembers promising Yukimura - his number one idol - that he wouldn't ever smoke, or do drugs, or anything along those lines, but he finds himself doing that kind of stuff anyway, more than twice a day, leaning against walls and acting cool and bad-ass and everything, because it was the only thing he had in common with Niou Masaharu nowadays, and it was the only thing that kept them together.

**34. SING**

All his previous birthdays had been special - a cake, presents, family and friends all around him - and although for this year's birthday Kirihara is expecting less, he still wanted some kind of acknowledgement from the older man smoking beside him, a half-assed Happy Birthday song or a snaky comment or _just anything_ - but it never came, and it probably never would.

**35. SUDDEN**

Niou looks at Kirihara for a very long time - studies the messy black hair that he loves running his hands through, taking in every inch of the body that he's caressed and touched more than a million times already, printing the image of the green eyes he could always get lost into to his memory - and takes a deep breath, before dropping the bomb on him - even though he didn't deserve it - with the cold, harsh and uncaring voice he'd perfected over the years: "Shut the fuck up and just get the hell out of my life, you fucking brat."; and Niou saw without really seeing, felt without really feeling, Kirihara - _Akaya -_ punch him in the jaw, with unshed tears, running away from the man who wasn't the same person he was before - the teenager that bickered with him and kissed him and called him bratling - and to be honest, all Kirihara is at the moment is one jumbled, messed-up, horrible pile of shit incapable of stopping to love.

**36. STOP**

Maybe it's the teenage hormones, or that Niou-senpai looks too much like a girl when he has his hair down - sweaty and wet, but Kirihara can't stop himself from flinging himself onto the older teen and kissing him senseless; who cares that they're in the middle of a match against Marui and Jackal and that everyone's going to be looking at them with disgust on their faces, anyway?

**37. TIME**

They always rush in the mornings, and always late for work - or school, in Kirihara's case - but not because of the reasons people snidely teased them for ("Wow, I had no idea you dream of us like that every night, Nishiki-san!) but only because Kirihara really can't leave his videogames alone and that he always has to finish this level and the level after that and the level after that; Niou has no choice but to stay up with the boy, what with the frequent grunts and yells preventing him from much-needed sleep.

**38. WASH**

Kirihara wishes that Niou could wash away everything that's haunted him for the past few years - his fears, the confusion, the hurt, the what-could've-beens - but he knows that Niou can never do that, because he is cold, uncaring and so detached from the world that it's a wonder he even finds the time to whisper an 'I love you' to him whenever they part; Kirihara wonders if he means it or if it's just some warped, twisted force of habit that Niou can't bring himself to break - even after thirteen years.

**39. TORN**

They'd never said it straight out - three simple words that mean so much to both, although they'd never admit it - so Niou is torn between beating the bratling till he passed out or kissing him till he passed out because seriously, did he not think about how it was so not a good time for a love proclamation when he's in the middle of an extremely serious match with Sanada, with only one simple point left to win?; Niou smirks as he remembers that he won the game anyway, because Yukimura had done his own little love proclamation moments after, resulting in Sanada falling flat on his face with the ball bouncing past him.

**40. HISTORY**

Marui and Jackal have identical grins on their faces as they hand over an extremely thick book - complete with post-it notes, photos, scraps of paper and the occasional wad of gum stuck in between the pages - to Niou and Kirihara; the book is entitled 'We Never Woulda Thunk It: The Trickster and His Bratling' and contains every single detail about Niou and Kirihara's relationship - right down to the first touch, first kiss, first date, _everything_ - and all both of them can do is look at their grinning team mates and vowing that they'd do their best to find them _lives._

**41. POWER**

Niou likes to think that he has most, if not all, of the power in their relationship; but deep down he knows that one look from Kirihara is all it takes for him to change his mind.

**42. BOTHER**

When he loses a bet against Yukimura, Niou has to let his hair down for the rest of the month - he waves away the questions by saying it was getting bothersome having to tie it everyday - and during that time there are a lot of rumours going around, skipped classes, and bathroom adventures as Yanagi and Yukimura pore over the countless pictures with amused expressions; _finally_, they had some blackmail against the trickster.

**43. GOD**

"I'll be the Devil, and you be God and we can fight it to the death and stuff with our own army of monsters, got it?" Six-year old Niou orders one grinning Kirihara; the former is waving around a pitchfork as he elaborates on about the play he wants to do for their impromptu play date, and the latter is glowing with excitement because, _hello_, instead of being 'the Devil's Sidekick' like he'd expected, he's actually being ordered to _be_ _God_!

**44. WALL**

Kirihara looks down uncertainly below - he's a good six feet away from falling to his death - before taking a deep breath and jumping anyway; it's not all hard gravel and broken glass shards waiting for him because Niou is there, too, arms outstretched and ready with an impatient look on his face - and Kirihara knows he has no reason to worry.

**45. NAKED**

Of course they steal glances in the boys' locker room - mostly in the showers - and God knows how Yanagi's the only person who seems to notice it, what with the guy's eyes being closed most of the time - but he does and he informs Mura about it; together they hatch a match-making plan, which ends all well and fine - as expected, but results in a lot of groping and bending and oh-so-hard problems in the showers - also as expected but not entirely welcome.

**46. DRIVE**

Kirihara looks around for any sign of their rambunctious team mates and frowns when all he sees is Niou, leaning against the van looking unconcerned as Kirihara approaches and says, "So…road trip's cancelled?"

**47.HARM**

"No harm in going anyway," Niou replies, smirking as they buckle themselves in, and Kirihara clears his throat before looking away from the other's hungry gaze; he's not sure if Niou is harmless at all.

**48. PRECIOUS**

Some random guy sitting in front of them in the dark movie theatre whispers something to his girlfriend's ear - "Don't worry, Sakura, you're my only precious" - and Kirihara stifles his laughs with great difficulty; but when Niou leans in amusedly and breathes the same line into his ear - replacing the girl's name with Akaya - he can't help but turn incredibly red and turn to kiss the other, mirroring the same thing the couple in front of them was doing that same moment.

**49. HUNGER**

They hit all-you-can-eat buffets for their third date before lying under the stars on someone's rooftop, and just when things start heating up, their mouths wet and moist against each others', hands tangled in strands of hair and clothes wrinkled beyond belief, a loud burp escapes from Kirihara - and after a moment, Niou; there is a moment of awkward silence before they burst out laughing and start all over again.

**50. BELIEVE**

Niou directs a smouldering gaze at his oblivious boyfriend, who is singing extremely off-key to some English song - Greatest Love in Everyone or some shit like that - that he barely knew the words to, and Niou snaps at him to just please shut the hell up; but Kirihara is being bothersome and ignoring him so Niou has no choice but to use his last resort - it would be incredibly cliché to kiss him right then and there - instead he settled for unplugging the headphones from Kirihara's Ipod, letting the other gape and sputter for a full minute _before_ kissing him then.


End file.
